Overcoming Struggles

(LOOK HOW TINY THEY WERE!)

For some reason, since the moment Cody was born, I was sad that he would grow up.  No really.  I was.  As in I would get him dressed (as a new born) and had cute little shoes on him, then thought that he looked too grown up, weeped, and took them off asap.  Why?  I don't know.  I always imagined Cody's baby phase would last longer than it did, which in hindsight it really did, he didn't walk til he was 13 months, he nursed for a year.  I think that is why I immediately got pregnant.  I needed a baby back in my arms so nurse and cuddle.  

Cody's second year (as I have mentioned before) was rough on me and him. It breaks my heart to look back on.  Why couldn't I just let go of the need for a clean house, and realize he was still a baby and just play and hold him?  

Now that Cody is getting even older, I am not sad that he's growing up.  In fact it's been really nice.  The older he gets, the less I have to do for him.  I don't need him graduating and leaving me yet, but just that he's more independant has been such a relief that I have dredded for so long.  

I felt like the older he got the less he loved me.  And they way a two year old behaves can be hard to love :) Just kidding.  But now that he's nearly 4, life is good.  

Sometimes I get sad thinking about more kids.  I wanted 4 kids all close together.  Wham bam, thank ya Mam!  And now that I have my hands full with two I am okay with waiting a while.  Waiting for life to be a little more calm.  You can judge me if you want, but you're only hurting yourself.  

Am I even making any sense here?  

What I am saying is I am okay with Cody getting bigger, and that I love him to pieces.  The funny things he says and asks lately just kill me.

One day I had pulled my hair back in a bun with a twistable crayola color pencil.  

Cody: "How'd you get a color in your hair Mom?"

Me: "I wrapped it up tight so it wouldn't fall, what do you think?"

Cody: "Wow that's preeeeeety Mom."

He always says "Mom you look pretty" which melts my heart like butter.  Or he says things are "GASP Cuuuute!".  Hahaha.  I love that.

I love my boys.  I love my family.