be gentle

I am a little uneasy at the moment.
You see I have my doctors appointment tomorrow to discuss my "Mom" Pills.
You know, the antidepressants I started taking a year ago.
You know the ones that I've put 10-15 lbs on with?
Yep.  Those ones.

At 3 lbs gained, I thought, meh, put the fork down sister and you'll be fine.

At 5 lbs I got straight up annoyed.  
So I tried my usual tricks.  
Eat a little less, and just be careful.

At 7lbs gained I got pissed and called the doctor.
She said I needed to diet and excercise.
(Mind you I just finished the 30 day shred...)
Also suggested I get my thyroid tested.

At 10lbs gained more crying and got the blood test.
I am healthy as a horse.
Started running 3-5 times a week.

So now I bounce between 10-15 lbs gained.
I've been watching calories for 2-3 months now.
I never go over 1500 a day.
Back before I got knocked up with Trey I ate like 2000 a day and stayed the same!
Stupid weight gain.
I normally hit 1350 a day.
Plus I run 4-5 miles at a time.

I am frustrated.  
And I am so scared.
My old doctor claimed the pills couldn't be the reason for my weight gain.
Google disagreed. 
And I keep getting bummed.
All the shorts that fell off my last summer fit.
What if this doctor disagrees too?!

I've voiced my frustrations to Kevin time and time again.
He loves me no matter what.  
And he'd rather have my 'fat and happy' than back in that dark place.
And for the sake of my kids, I've put on a few, so that we can all be happy.

I'm frustrated that my weight effects me so much.
Like, why does it have to be on my mind so much?
I am so incredibly blessed is hundreds of ways.
I get to work out, and run with my boys. 
I am perfectly healthy.
I don't mean to pout, but those few extra pounds really get my down.

Take it easy on me.
I am trying.

 Also I attempted 'Ombre' hair tonight.  
And I think I did pretty good....
What do you think?
And be gentle if you choose to judge me.


Shawn AND Chelsey said...

i love your ombre! it looks great! did you do it yourself?

annnnnd, i totally know what you mean about weight! but seriously, you look GREAT! so don't stress about it! just check that off of your worry list! i saw on oprah once (don't judge ME, yes i'm about to reference an oprah show!!!) that you should determine how you are doing on your weight by how your clothes feel on you. don't step on the scale. you'll drive yourself crazy with that! numbers don't mean anything, really. it's all about how you feel in your clothes.

i know kevin thinks you're dang hottt and really that's all that matters! so embrace that! and the fact that you can run 4 miles (i bet i could barely walk that!). you should be thrilled with your body right now! you're doing great, friend! keep your chin up and good luck at your appt tomorrow :)

Brynne said...

I'm not just saying this, but I haven't even noticed a weight gain in pictures. My sister-in-law gained weight on her anti-deps too. I don't think it's a hoax. BUT, don't get down on yourself. You are gorgeous girl! AND I love the ombre! (obviously)

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