(LOOK HOW TINY THEY WERE!)
For some reason, since the moment Cody was born, I was sad that he would grow up. No really. I was. As in I would get him dressed (as a new born) and had cute little shoes on him, then thought that he looked too grown up, weeped, and took them off asap. Why? I don't know. I always imagined Cody's baby phase would last longer than it did, which in hindsight it really did, he didn't walk til he was 13 months, he nursed for a year. I think that is why I immediately got pregnant. I needed a baby back in my arms so nurse and cuddle.
Cody's second year (as I have mentioned before) was rough on me and him. It breaks my heart to look back on. Why couldn't I just let go of the need for a clean house, and realize he was still a baby and just play and hold him?
Now that Cody is getting even older, I am not sad that he's growing up. In fact it's been really nice. The older he gets, the less I have to do for him. I don't need him graduating and leaving me yet, but just that he's more independant has been such a relief that I have dredded for so long.
I felt like the older he got the less he loved me. And they way a two year old behaves can be hard to love :) Just kidding. But now that he's nearly 4, life is good.
Sometimes I get sad thinking about more kids. I wanted 4 kids all close together. Wham bam, thank ya Mam! And now that I have my hands full with two I am okay with waiting a while. Waiting for life to be a little more calm. You can judge me if you want, but you're only hurting yourself.
Am I even making any sense here?
What I am saying is I am okay with Cody getting bigger, and that I love him to pieces. The funny things he says and asks lately just kill me.
One day I had pulled my hair back in a bun with a twistable crayola color pencil.
Cody: "How'd you get a color in your hair Mom?"
Me: "I wrapped it up tight so it wouldn't fall, what do you think?"
Cody: "Wow that's preeeeeety Mom."
He always says "Mom you look pretty" which melts my heart like butter. Or he says things are "GASP Cuuuute!". Hahaha. I love that.
I love my boys. I love my family.